“Why she do like that?”

LOL.

Yesterday.

Queenie is like everyone’s GODMOTHER. People come to her for advice or many times, she just gives it.

Quote yesterday, on people giving you shit:

“Now you learn lesson for people give you shit.”

And she don’t take SHIT from anyone.

Her broken English cracks me up.

Love you, The Chin!

-Jane, Niece of Queenie.

Louise was running through the planets the other day. She was trying to impress me with her knowledge of all the planets.

“Mommy, I know all the planets and in order!!”

“Oh yeah? What are they?”

“Mercury…Venus…Earth…”

(Counts on her fingers)

“My…very…excellent…oh Mars!…Jupiter…Saturn…”

(Users her fingers again…not sure why. We’re not counting. I guess it’s because we’re listing.)

“My very excellent mother just served us…”

“Ur-en-us? Urenus?”

She has trouble pronouncing it. She says it with a “short e” sound.

“No, Ur-A-nus”.

“Oh! URANUS! URANUS! URANUS!“

She’s repeating it so that she can memorize it.

Quite a word to be stuck on.

“Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, UrAnus, Neptune…PLUTO!”

“My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas! That’s what you use to memorize the planets Mommy!”

Well at least she included Pluto…even despite the fact that they are now trying to say that Pluto is NOT a planet. It’s not big enough, according to scientists, because there are other objects out there that are larger than Pluto. Click HERE for a brief explanation.

Whatever, it’s a planet!

So, now what are we going to do with the ACRONYM?

My Very Excellent Mother Just Served us NACHOS?

My Very Excellent Mother Just Served us NUGGETS?

-Jane, URANUS!

Originally when I thought to use the chalkboard paint, it was intended for this door.

I wanted to be able to write grocery lists, our favorite wines list, maybe even homeschool while I’m cooking, writing down notes so I won’t forget, etc., etc., etc.

Dick adds a Persian Poem that I find very fitting and LOVE…

Let’s plant some flowers and drink some wine…

My sentiments EXACTLY!

LOVELY and PERFECT for SPRING.

-Jane, Lover of Spring.

“So, what do you want to get Thelma for her birthday?”

“I don’t know. Well…there is ONE thing …”

“What is it?”

“Well, I know she will love it but…I don’t think I want to get it for her…I might get jealous.”

(Hesitantly)

“You would?”

“Yeah, because I want one too and it’s on my list.”

(Referring to her Christmas list.)

At least she’s honest.

So what is this one item that would cause jealousy between my girls?

BABY ALIVE WHOOPSIE DOO.

This is the first time I’ve heard of this doll but apparently, it appears on commercials all the time, and it pees and craps after eating. Wonderful, just what we need. More babies that crap after eating. I already have three. I’m sure you can guess who the third and biggest baby of all is.

-Jane, Mother of Potentially Jealous Louise

So, I’ve been able to skirt the question the last few times and, why not stick with what works? Like a therapist does…my strategy is simple. Respond to her question with a question.

Is Santa real?

Louise. She’s very inquisitive and matter-of-fact.

Well honey…do YOU think he’s real?

Me. Redirecting.

Well…he never gave me any presents…

And I’ve never seen an old fat guy in red pants with a white beard AND a Santa Claus hat.

Thelma said on Christmas Eve she’s seen red lights.

Daddy says he’s seen him.

He said he helped him down the chimney.

But, I don’t think that’s true.

Louise. Still very matter-of-fact.

Why don’t you think it’s true?

Me. (I think I would make a great therapist.)

Because when I came home there weren’t any presents!

I mean, isn’t that his job?

Giving presents?

Louise.

Who can argue with her reasoning? I had to blurt out a bit of laughter at her response. So straightforward and honest. You gotta love kids for that.

Well…it worked again. I have deflected yet another opportunity to come clean to my kids and tell them I had been lying fibbing (lying sounds too harsh) to them about Santa Clause all these years. I don’t know why I continue this charade…

I’m curious, what do other parents tell their kids? Why do YOU continue the charade?

-Jane, Is-Santa-Claus-Real Answer Deflector

Here’s Louise in her RENTAL skates. She’s not diggin’ the tan look at all.

However, being that Louise’s foot is growing constantly and because I don’t know how long she’s going to like skating, I’m not about to buy some brand new ones. Thelma suckered Fanny Mae into getting her some new ones but my mom is a pushover for these things. She can’t say no. I tell Louise that I’m going to look on eBay for a pair.

“Mommy, why do we have to shop at eBAy?”

Before I could answer her, Thelma quickly responds emphatically,

” Because it’s cheaper! Do you want to live or do you want to work forever?”

(Like duh!) Her manner of speaking was so matter-of-fact and absolutely right on! Good girl! I’m so impressed and proud of my money-wise baby!

So I go on eBay and I find the perfect pair. They are Girls Jackson Freestyle Skates #2071, which retail for $139.99. This is not exactly expensive considering when the girls get better and if they are serious about skating, I could easily have to shell out $600 for a pair. But, they’re just beginning and I KNOW there is some mom who is selling her daughter’s skates because she doesn’t fit them anymore or because her daughter decided that she doesn’t like skating as much as she thought. (It’s freakin’ cold in there!)

The pair that I found was gently used with scuffing, but I’m not concerned about this because Thelma has scratched the crap out of her brand new ones and these look pretty good. The lady selling the skates said she would attach the blades before shipping and all that I would need were laces. Sweet!

Bidding on eBay is an emotional roller coaster. There’s anxiousness and tension while you’re bidding, because you want to be the one to win it, but don’t want the price to go up too fast and high. You’re also weary that that someone will come and outbid you. Your heart is beating fast and you are glued to the countdown until bid ending time.  Then when you DO actually win it, it’s relief, exhiliration and excitement that you’ve beat out everyone for your item! Ahem…um, no, I’m not competitive. Not at all.

After using my eBay bomber buyer skills ( I swoop in during the last 30 seconds), I won these great skates for my daughter!

So, my total price?

$31.56 + $9.45 S&H

for a TOTAL of

$41.01 !!!

That’s even less expensive than Thelma’s brand new skates. Thelma’s skates are not as nice as these and they were $75 new.

The skates arrived and Louise is excited beyond belief. I bought some laces and taughter her how to lace them up from “scratch”.

She did a great job and is now ready to hit the ice!

They look almost new don’t they?

Just because one is frugal doesn’t mean one is cheap and, of course, style matters. Buying quality items for a bargain price? I’d say that’s smart, not cheap.

Quality of life is directly related by how much you have to work to support your lifestyle.

-Jane, eBay Bomber Bidder

“I hope they have pizza there. I’m starving!

(Thelma)

“Or maybe they have guacamole…”

(Louise)

“…or sushi!”

(Louise)

“Um, I don’t think they’ll have guacamole or sushi. Most kids don’t like that kind of stuff.”

(Me)

“But we do!”

(The Kids)

” Yeah, we do. But we’re…”

(Me, then Louise interrupts…)

“We’re WEIRD!”

(Louise)

“No, we’re not weird! We’re different. Everyone’s different.”

(Me)

“We’re unique.”

(Louise)

“Yes, we’re unique.”

(Me)

-Jane, “Unique” Mom

“Mommy, you just have to press a button and this thing gives you money?”

-My ever-so-inquisitive Louise

I was at the ATM getting some cash when Louise was just amazed that this machine spit out money before her eyes just from pressing a few buttons. She probably thought she discovered a new way to get money for herself.

Alas, no my darling, money does not come so easily. I explained to her it was pulled from an account, like the one she and Thelma has. (Click HERE for the story where they set up their own bank accounts.)

-Jane, Money-educating Mom

I’m sitting outside…guess where…yes, Starbucks.  I see two male teenagers sitting in their car, ready to leave to get to their next destination. Teenboy 1 to teenboy 2:

“Dude, do you mind going thru the drive-thru of Chick-fil-a for a sec?…

…Oh fuck! It’s Sunday, dude. They’re closed.”

Now, how many of you have said the same thing? I know I’ve cussed Chick-fil-a many a time or ten for being closed on Sunday. Much respect for sticking to your values but sometimes…I just wants me some Chick-fil-a…on a Sunday!!

Click HERE to listen to a song that PERFECTLY describes my frustration at Chick-fil-a. HILARIOUS!

Chick-fil-a is a kids haven. Thelma and Louise LOVE to go there and order chicken nuggets, fries, and then go on the indoor maze/play area. These indoor things are such a gimmick and they TOTALLY work!

This particular time when we were at Chik-fil-a,  I was witness to a most unfortunate event for one mom. You see, her kid had gotten stuck at the top of the jungle gym and couldn’t refused to get down on his own. Poor mom then had to try to maneuver herself up and around this thing in front of all the chatty on-looking Moms wondering if she’s going to get stuck herself whilst trying to rescue her kid.

Note to Thelma and Louise:

If you get stuck in the jungle gym at Chick-fil-A, you’re on your own.

-Jane, Frequent Chick-fil-a Customer

“I know why it hurts more for boys…because they have tails that’s why.”

-Louise

???

Ding!Ding!Ding!Ding!Ding!

(Tails=Penises, Get it???)

]]> http://janeanddick.com/quotes/kwik-kwote-boys-and-their-tails/feed/ 1 http://janeanddick.com/quotes/kwik-kwote-a-key-for-the-mens-room-wtf/ http://janeanddick.com/quotes/kwik-kwote-a-key-for-the-mens-room-wtf/#comments Fri, 18 Sep 2009 01:57:04 +0000 Jane http://janeanddick.com/?p=1195

“Why the hell do we have to have a key for the bathroom?

That’s some bull-shit!!

Like, that’s SO ridiculous that you have to, like….

…get a fuckin’ key…

…then go piss…

…then like, have to go give the fuckin’ key back.

I mean, I don’t know….that’s stupid!!”

-An Unhappy Starbucks Male Customer

More Pics Below…

This kid’s pissed off because the men’s room requires a key but the women’s…no. Ha! If you guys wouldn’t piss all over the walls and make it smell all ranky-dank, you wouldn’t be in this situation! 

Since we’re on the topic of bathrooms…Here’s some shots from my “Toilet Series”, taken while I was waiting for Thelma and Louise in the bathroom stalls at the movie theatre. See, the ladies room is nice and clean!

-Jane, Starbucks Junkie

“I know what fertilize means! It means to put trash in it.”

-Louise

(I think she’s referring to compost. LOL)