Dick, Mamma F, J Lo and friends go out on Christmas to The Abbey, known as one of the best gay clubs and is down the street from where Lucy lives. I went the Abbey last time I was in LA and decided not to go out this time because I’m lazy, it’s cold and I’m not in the mood. Like I said, winter and I hibernate.
Well, come 2am in the morning and true to Persian style, Dick and his family are being super loud and driving me INSANE! Persians love to talk and they do it with great passion. They don’t know how to use their “inside” voice, even when others are around and sleeping.
I’m pissed at Dick and his family’s lack of consideration for others. They’re not even drunk, just super loud. So I stomp out there and tell Dick that he and his family need to quiet down…well, that’s putting it nicely.
Besides the fact that they are laughing and talking loudly, I’m especially ANNOYED that they are IGNORING the fact that I’m annoyed. You know how you get more mad when someone doesn’t acknowledge that you’re mad. Dick is laughing and trying to tell me he has a great story for my blog.
“Baby, we have THE BEST story for your blog.” (Remember, everything with Persians is THE BEST!)
What?!?!?! My response?
“I DON’T give a FUCK!”
“Baby, you would never guess who we saw.”
“Can you please tell your family to be quiet. It’s late and the kids are all sleeping.”
“We saw Brigitte Nielson!”
“Did you hear me??? I don’t give a shit!”
Why would they think that I give two shits about Bridgette Nielson at 2:30 in the morning??? Ok, so it’s not that late for me but I’m already asleep and when people are sleeping, there should be some common sense. I stomp back to my room and slam the door.
SO YOU WANT IN NOW HUH? TOO BAD!
Still, no one gets a fucking clue and the loud talking persists. I’m super pissed now and want to slam the door a few more times but I want to be adult about it so, I refrain. Instead, I lock the bedroom door, knowing that Dick would be coming to bed at some point.
Fifteen minutes later and he tries to open the door. Locked. He taps lightly “Baby, you up? Open the door.” In fact, I am up and editing pictures now because I’m so pissed that I can’t go back to bed. But I refuse open the door. Dick thinks I’m sleeping so he rattles the knob again and tries to knock lightly again. He then starts to try to pick the lock, without success. Again, another rap on the door. I want to yell at him and tell him to go fuck himself and to go sleep with his fucking loud family. But, I’m trying to hold it back because if I let it loose, all hell would break loose and I’d probably regret all the profanity that would come spewing out of my mouth.
Dick then decides to open the door by removing the door knob. When he finally gets it open, he sees that I’m awake. “Oh, you’re up?!?! You’re so crazy.” Yes, I’m one crazy MAD bitch. I mean really…I would POSSIBLY be a little less pissed if they had been drunk but to be sober and so inconsiderate, I was LIVID!
Well, the next day, I’m still irate but he finally gets the opportunity to tell me about how they ran into Brigitte Nielson as they were leaving the Abbey. You know who Brigitte is, don’t you? In her youth, she was in films such as Red Sonja and Rocky IV, which is how she and Stallone hooked up. They married and divorced. Bridgitte later went on to fall for the ever so dashing Flavor Flav. What a cute couple they made. Ok, I hope you realize I’m being sarcastic. Flavor Flav may be a nice guy but he’s so FUGLY! Brigitte can do so much better.
Bridgette was heading into the Abbey as Dick and company were leaving, so they started talking to her. She’s Danish and can speak German so they start speaking German with her. Dick gets a picture of Mamma F with Bridgette.
Brigitte an Mamma F…they could be sisters! I think Brigitte looks pretty fabulous. I don’t know many people who can rock the short, short hair.
So, it’s taken me this long to get these images off Dick’s phone so I can blog about my loud Persian family, not Brigitte. I love you guys but I’m really sick of all the loud CHERTO PERTO (Which Dick tells me is Persian for Bullshit Talk).
-Jane, Tired of all the CHERTO PERTO
(Pronounced “chair-toe pair-toe”)
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