Dick was recently in Gotham City again and while working, he took some time off to play soccer with the guys.
I always worry about Dick playing soccer because it is quite an aggressive sport, even if only the feet are involved. Dick is super competitive (He claims he could have been a Soccer Star. Swoon…my own personal Beckham.) and plays hard. He’s a STRIKER, which means he’s the team’s PRIMARY THREAT.
I’ve seen Dick in action..he’s pretty awesome and FAST! However, he’s also injured himself on several occasions…sprained ankles, torn knee, achilles heal…but nothing compared to what happened this last time.
This last game he played turned out to be a most unfortunate one because as he and another player were simultaneously trying to gain control of the ball, the guy’s cleats RAMMED into Dick’s…well…Dick. (Too easy to pass that one up.) YOWZERS! I know you guys are feelin’ Dick on this one.
Surprisingly, Dick said he didn’t feel as much pain because it wasn’t a kick to the BALLS, it was just the penile shaft. So, although it hurt, Dick wasn’t that worried.
That is, until later when he realized that the entire THING had SWOLLEN three times his normal size and had turned BLACK! You know how they say…once you go black…well…maybe this isn’t the time…
Needless to say…Dick was in PAIN and CONCERNED. Luckily, he said it still functioned fine and he could still leak the lizard without any pain or burning.
When Dick finally got back in town, I took a look at it to see how bad it was.
“OMG, it’s HUMONGOUS!”
You remember it’s hard for me to sensor myself sometimes.
Just the balls were MASSIVE and not the other part.
ELEPHANTITIS????
It then triggered my memory of having watched this NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC special about ELEPHANTITIS. If you don’t know what ELEPHANTITIS is, it’s a condition where the scrotum grows to EPIC PROPORTIONS!
I joke with Dick and tell him he may have Elephantitis and will need a WHEEL BARREL for his “friends”.
What? Sensitivity Chip lacking? I don’t think so.
You know when you have something wrong with you and you tell someone and they’re horrified or worried…it would only make you feel WORSE about your situation? Well, I was trying to make him feel better. Pretty much every time I saw him walking his GIMPY GIMP, I would say to him:
“Honey, what if you’re gonna need a wheel barrel?”
Looks like I’m not the ONLY one now with a strange gimp.
That’s what you get for making fun of me!!! KARMA!
If you have the stomach for it, you can watch the video below.
(No, Dick would not allow me to show his goods.
This is a video of people who actually have ELEPHANTITIS.)
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
Not appropriate to open at work!!
Proceed with caution when viewing around others!!
Highly graphic material!!
GIMPY GIMP
Dick goes to see his doctor as soon as he’s back and the doctor doesn’t seem concerned and tells him only time will tell (and it’s going to take LOTS of time) and it WILL heal. Meanwhile, Dick is walking around while cupping his goods wherever he goes. He says that when he lays down, it doesn’t hurt, but when he gets up and walks around, it’s SUPER PAINFUL.
The girls are doing their best to take care of their injured Daddy.
They used their ice pack but the doctor said a warm pack is better.
Here’s a video of Dick’s Gimpy Gimp. You don’t have to sensor this one. It’s not graphic.
Quite a hard lesson to learn that one should wear a cup when playing such AGGRESSIVE sports.
-Jane, Wife of Injured Dick.
24/03/2011 at 3:57 AM Permalink
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