My whole family is a family of LATE-NIGHTERS, minus Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac, so, it’s great to have a 24-hour Super Walmart that is accessible to us.
What are we looking to buy? Nothing in particular.
Em spots Jean Diapers!
“Sick!”
Spoken like a true teenager.
I just think it’s funny that my 18-year old cousin would find this interesting.
How trendy of Huggies.
However, this Jane is super glad to not have to deal with diapers anymore.
-Jane, Relieved to be Diaper-less.
Warning visitors! If you come stay at my house, I may put you to work.
I’m not opposed to child labor. LOL Anyway, Taylor loves helping. She really does!
Em, on the other hand, is a bonafide ADULT.
Plus, I’m right alongside them…cooking with Taylor, mowing the grass.
They’re just ASSISTING!
Yes, a little bit of work does the body good.
-Cousin Jane.
With Lucy and my cousins being in town, we’re playing lots of cards. You remember the popular Vietnamese card game, Tien Len?
TIME FOR HUMILIATION BET
Normally, I don’t play for money but we had been playing for a little just to make it interesting. Well, it got boring one night while we were at my parents house and I had already won against everyone: $10 from Taylor, $10 from Lucy, $15 from Eminem.
So, we decided to make it interesting by making it a HUMILIATION BET. The bet was to wear embarrassing things and have to go out in public with whatever humiliating thing you lost to.
The first round was LOSER has to wear FANNY MAE’s shoes, which are these pink flip flops that are not UGLY but definitely not OUR STYLE. Lucy ends up losing that round but keep going.
Next round was LOSER has to wear one of FANNY MAE’s SKIRTS. My mom likes to wear skirts. Long ones. And usually, they have FLOWERS all over them. Again, not ugly but not for young people. Yes, I consider myself “young people”. Eminem loses this round. Imagine Em in one of Fanny Mae’s skirts. SWEXY.
Next round was LOSER has to wear one of FANNY MAE’s HATS. Are you seeing a pattern here? Fanny Mae likes to buy these Easter looking straw hats to protect herself against the sun. No one wants to sport one. I lost that round.
Then we added knee socks, a wig, a mustache, and bright red lipstick for the following rounds. We also started adding rounds where the winner could swap around items that had to be worn to others, even those who had nothing.
At one point, EVERYONE had something humiliating to sport, HOWEVAH…the tables started to turn and for some reason, THESE SUCKERS thought it would be hilarious to make ME be the ONLY one to SPORT EVERYTHING HUMILIATING.
Taylor, who originally has the mustache, trades with Lucy who then ends up giving it to me.
June and I hit LADIES NIGHT at the local sports bar again and this time, we bring Eminem out with us so I can properly SCHOOL him in ping pong in public. Dick actually would love to join us but due to his injury, he’s not quite that mobile yet.
The table is open and I’m shocked.
Notice anything in the pic above? How about a closer look.
Yes, this GAL was watching us play and even sometimes being helpful with the cheap net that kept falling over.
I thought it odd but whatever, unless you’re bothering me (and she wasn’t) I don’t really pay you any mind.
SHE watched us for a bit and then left.
I didn’t think anything of it until I met this guy.
Dude wanted to play and so I finally played him after I kicked Em’s ass.
We played for a little bit and dude was good! Lost to yet another tennis player (and graduate student).
Of course, I blame my sucky playing on the CHEAP ASS RACKETS that have no padding and CLINK every time the ball hits the racket.
I decide later that I am fed up with losing at ping pong at the sports bar and if I want to win, I’m going to have to buy similar cheap-ass rackets at Walmart and practice with those instead cause they’re NEVER going to have nice rackets there and I’m not the kind to bring my own racket. Nothing worse than losing with your own goods to someone who has a shitty racket.
Anyway, I digress. COLLEGE GUY asks me if I played to chick in pink? He tells me that the GAL in pink is a HE/SHE and is FANTASTIC in ping pong.
DAYUM! I missed an opportunity to play against a PING-PONG PLAYING TRANNY looking FIERCE in her PINK DRESS??? Ima look for you next time honey!
POOL TIME
After we had our fill of ping pong, we play pool.
BOYS…
Against GIRLS…
June and I lose despite our best efforts to over come these guys and their distractions.
Of course, it is also Karoake night AGAIN.
Why do the continue to TORTURE me with KAROAKE on LADIES NIGHT!?!?!
Please, just play some good music…instead of this:
How am I supposed to play well with this in the background.
Totally distracting.
No wonder I keep losing at ping pong and pool!
As always, we always have so much fun meeting different people at our local sports bar…and it never ceases to disappoint.
-Jane, Non-fan of Karoake while playing pool/ping-pong.
Now that another 2 teeth have given way, it was time for Louise to cash in. However, she first wanted to wait for Eminem, Taylor and Auntie Lucy (who was coming the following weekend) to get here so she could show them off.
Louise put each tooth in a box and after having made sure everyone got a chance to see those lovely things, she was ready to put them under her pillow.
Queen Latifa brings down Eminem and Taylor to visit me for about a week and a half. She drops them off and then heads to go visit some friends in Louisiana and plans on coming back after 4-5 days. I’m so excited to have them here!!
June tells me that my house is pretty much like a HOSTEL and I guess she’s right. This year has been full of visitors. I might as well put a revolving door as my front door.
It’s funny when my family gets together. It seems we have alot of fun doing NOTHING. We putz around so much. I guess we just like each other’s company. However, when we weren’t PUTZING around, we were:
I’ve never been one to be mistaken for a celebrity until one day, this girl at a grocery store says to me:
“Hey, you look like…like…that girl on TV…what’s her name?…”
I’m clueless and just waiting for her to spit it out because no one has ever mistaken me for a celeb.
“Oh! You look like that girl TILA TEQUILA!!”
Seriously, really?
TILA TEQUILA FACTS
All I know or have ever heard about Tila Tequila is:
1) She had her own TV reality show where she’s BISEXUAL and tryin’ to find love…from either sex.
2) She’s has posed in PLAYBOY.
3) She was recently engaged to that Johnson & Johnson heiress who died.
Needless to say, we have NO PARRALLELS in our lives other than she’s Vietnamese and this girl thinks we look similar.
Well girlfriend is now in the news again for getting STONED while performing at some concert. And by STONED, I don’t mean she was Puff the Magic Dragon. Girlfriend had actual STONES thrown at her. People were pelting her from the audience at a Juggalos event.
WHAT IS JUGGALO?
I don’t know anything about Juggalos, but it sounds like some Big Boobied event, maybe the Porn Emmy’s or something. Instead, JUGGALO is apparently a term for fans of ”Insane Clown Posse” or any other hip hop group ran by the label Psychopathic Records and this concert, named after that, is known for being one ROWDY event full of crazed painted faced fans. (Click HERE for info on Juggalo from Wikipedia.)
If you haven’t seen the video, here it is.
Click HERE to see pics of a bloodied Tila, cut from the rocks tossed at her.
I have a couple of questions:
1) You can sing/rap? I thought you were just a reality show star.
2) Why are your BOOBS exposed while you were singing on stage?
3) Why would you CONTINUE to sing when people are throwing rocks at you?
Apparently, Tila plans on suing the pants off these Jugaloo clowns in hopes of shutting down the event forever…and pocketing some PAIN & SUFFERING MONEY while she’s at it.
-Jane, Supposed Tila Twin.
Dick’s “member” has now ceased swelling and is looking more normal. Except, there is now a THIRD ball. Jes, a turd ball! (That was for my dear sis. She can appreciate the humor in it.) After doing a lot of research online, Dick thinks it could be a blood clot.
My entire family now knows why Dick is limping and what happened to him. My mom is already chiming in with her thoughts on it being a potential blood clot. Fanny Mae can be known to oversimplify and play down things at times while trying to be helpful.
“Oh, I’ve had those kinds of bloodclots before on my foot. When the blood gets trapped under the skin. I just take a needle and pierce the skin. It’s EASY!!”
I can just imagine Dick’s horror at the thought of having a needle PIERCE his GOODS.
His response to my mom’s comment (w/ a slight nervous laugh):
“Well…hehe…this is not FOOT.”
Yes, this is true. Definitely not FOOT. LMAO!
-Jane, Wife of Current 3-Baller.
Dick was recently in Gotham City again and while working, he took some time off to play soccer with the guys.
I always worry about Dick playing soccer because it is quite an aggressive sport, even if only the feet are involved. Dick is super competitive (He claims he could have been a Soccer Star. Swoon…my own personal Beckham.) and plays hard. He’s a STRIKER, which means he’s the team’s PRIMARY THREAT.
I’ve seen Dick in action..he’s pretty awesome and FAST! However, he’s also injured himself on several occasions…sprained ankles, torn knee, achilles heal…but nothing compared to what happened this last time.
This last game he played turned out to be a most unfortunate one because as he and another player were simultaneously trying to gain control of the ball, the guy’s cleats RAMMED into Dick’s…well…Dick. (Too easy to pass that one up.) YOWZERS! I know you guys are feelin’ Dick on this one.
Surprisingly, Dick said he didn’t feel as much pain because it wasn’t a kick to the BALLS, it was just the penile shaft. So, although it hurt, Dick wasn’t that worried.
That is, until later when he realized that the entire THING had SWOLLEN three times his normal size and had turned BLACK! You know how they say…once you go black…well…maybe this isn’t the time…
Needless to say…Dick was in PAIN and CONCERNED. Luckily, he said it still functioned fine and he could still leak the lizard without any pain or burning.
When Dick finally got back in town, I took a look at it to see how bad it was.
“OMG, it’s HUMONGOUS!”
You remember it’s hard for me to sensor myself sometimes.
Just the balls were MASSIVE and not the other part.
Shortly after the one top tooth fell out, Louise yanked out the loose one that was next to it too!
Girlfriend is INSANE!
Every time I see that big gap in the front it reminds me of a METH HEAD or CRACK HEAD.
Just sayin’! I think it’s thuper-cute. LOL!
Cutest meth head I’ve ever seen.
A couple of her lower teeth are loose too and she’s itching to get them out.
Slow yo roll girl!
How you goin’ to eat if all yo teeth are missing???
-Jane, Mother of Cutest Meth Head.
