With Lucy and my cousins being in town, we’re playing lots of cards. You remember the popular Vietnamese card game, Tien Len?
TIME FOR HUMILIATION BET
Normally, I don’t play for money but we had been playing for a little just to make it interesting. Well, it got boring one night while we were at my parents house and I had already won against everyone: $10 from Taylor, $10 from Lucy, $15 from Eminem.
So, we decided to make it interesting by making it a HUMILIATION BET. The bet was to wear embarrassing things and have to go out in public with whatever humiliating thing you lost to.
The first round was LOSER has to wear FANNY MAE’s shoes, which are these pink flip flops that are not UGLY but definitely not OUR STYLE. Lucy ends up losing that round but keep going.
Next round was LOSER has to wear one of FANNY MAE’s SKIRTS. My mom likes to wear skirts. Long ones. And usually, they have FLOWERS all over them. Again, not ugly but not for young people. Yes, I consider myself “young people”. Eminem loses this round. Imagine Em in one of Fanny Mae’s skirts. SWEXY.
Next round was LOSER has to wear one of FANNY MAE’s HATS. Are you seeing a pattern here? Fanny Mae likes to buy these Easter looking straw hats to protect herself against the sun. No one wants to sport one. I lost that round.
Then we added knee socks, a wig, a mustache, and bright red lipstick for the following rounds. We also started adding rounds where the winner could swap around items that had to be worn to others, even those who had nothing.
At one point, EVERYONE had something humiliating to sport, HOWEVAH…the tables started to turn and for some reason, THESE SUCKERS thought it would be hilarious to make ME be the ONLY one to SPORT EVERYTHING HUMILIATING.
Taylor, who originally has the mustache, trades with Lucy who then ends up giving it to me.
Yeah, go ahead and high five SCHMUCKS.
(Your belly is MUSH, Em. Need to work on that.)
So, that’s what they did, they GANGED UP on me and despite my efforts to continue the game so that I could win and swap, Lucy was happy to be rid of Fanny Mae’s shoe’s and the mustache and wanted to go to bed. Since I was the one with ALL THINGS HUMILIATING, there was no longer the motivation to continue to play.
JANE GETS HER HUMILIATING STUFF TOGETHER
I go through my mom’s closet and pick out the skirt with the most potential to fit my style. They said wear my mom’s skirt, but they didn’t say HOW they wanted me to wear it.
Ya’ll think you’re going to humiliate me???
Not if I can do something about it!
I hike up the skirt over my boobs, throw on a belt (Cause a belt is great ugly dress’s solution: From Drab to Fab!), add the knee socks (compliments of the PIMPS and HO’s party that June and I had), pick out the best hat that will go with my SMASHIN’ dress and smear some red lipstick on…
Oh, and let’s not forget the MUSTACHE.
Throw on my shades and accessories…
Not too bad for having to ROCK a MUSTACHE.
Did I rock it or what?
Everyone is anticipating my arrival at my parent’s house. They’re totally expecting to be able to laugh at me.
Instead, check out the look on Lucy’s face:
Yes, my sweet REVENGE!
They started to try to tell me all the things that were wrong with my outfit but I was in total ADHERENCE to the rules of the bet.
JANE GOES PUBLIC WITH THE MUSTACHE
After they finally APPROVED of my outfit, we headed out in PUBLIC. IN PUBLIC meaning going to STARBUCKS, my favorite hangout where pretty much ALL the people who work there either know me or have seen me.
Oh, and I’m not allowed to tell people that I lost a HUMILIATION BET.
Of course, as soon as I get there, I see Rod, you remember him? Also a Starbucks regular.
I just walk past him, looking straight ahead…
“Just don’t mind me today Rod.”
“Uh, ok.”
Inside, my family is ushering me to go first (I have to order for myself) while they’re standing back, laughing.
The red-headed girl behind the counter looks at me, smiling and possibly holding back having to laugh:
“Hey Jane, are you guys having FUN today?”
“Yes, loads of fun. Can I have a Venti Iced Caramel Machiato please?”
WE SIT OUTSIDE
Yes, the whole family is here to support make fun of me.
We are sure to sit outside so that everyone can see me.
I get a few double takes.
Lucy even makes sure to get a under-the-table shot of the the shoes and socks.
WE PLAY CARDS, AGAIN
What do you know but while at Starbucks, we decided to play cards AGAIN.
Naturally, I brought along the red lipstick and mustache liner so the LOSER could join me.
Sorry Taylor!
Give Mamma a KISS!!
Yes, I can make LEMONADE from LEMONS.
And this Jane can ROCK a MUSTACHE.
You have to make the best of any situation.
Actually, I ended up with a NEW DRESS! I told my mom that I’m keeping it.
With some nice shoes, the dress is pretty HAWT.
Winner or Loser, it’s all in how you look at it. And how creative you can be!
-Jane, Mustache-rockin’ VEENER!
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